We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
