I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
