yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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