Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize