He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i jhust puked up my retainher.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
