his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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