And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
