i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
