i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
