Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
