Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
