I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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