Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
