I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
