I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
