This girl is more easily done than said...
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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