remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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