I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
It's shark week go big or go home
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
