I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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