He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
