Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
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