I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
