I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
please don't ironically join a cult
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