she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
