what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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