I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
