living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
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Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
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I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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