his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
