So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
