fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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