i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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