some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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