You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize