the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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