He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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