I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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