I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I cockslap morals
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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