Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
