U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
