I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
