She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
