I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
