The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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