4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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