It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
