he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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