I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
