so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
