I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
