i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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