hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
