there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
