She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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