I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
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