ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize