well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
