Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
