He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize