her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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