You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
