YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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