What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
