Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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