you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
