Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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