The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
