This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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