My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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