after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
