So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
